Narcissism Part 2 – Why they are way they are

Table of Contents

This is part of a four post series. The topics are as followed

Let’s not be too quick to judge.

I just want to start off…They are not all the same, and I don’t want to classify people with these traits as inherently “evil”. There are factors, situations, and their own personality themselves that come into play and everyone sees a different version of this. Though I would argue that 100% of the time they are dealing with a deep pain themselves that they can’t not admit to or face themselves, so they take it out on others.

On the one hand, I am not saying that all this will happen for sure. If you have or are dealing with someone like this, it is up to you to decide. On the other hand, I really do want to describe how bad it can get. Maybe not for you, but for someone. I just hope it doesn’t get this bad for anyone. The general story is that people will try everything under the sun and get nowhere. Sometimes that route is too late.

Bullies don’t disappear graduating from high school

I want you all to think about school for a second. Be honest, there is absolutely no shortage of bullies. We teach kids to stand up for themselves. We teach kids to speak up. I was homeschooled in Austin from 9th grade on, and had a great experience. I was part of a group where we played soccer Tuesdays and Thursdays every week. I have never seen a bully and I don’t think(hope?!?) no one else did as well. When it comes to a normal high school though, I don’t think anyone would be willing to be under oath to say there were 0 bullies in theirs.

Bullies do not disappear in adulthood. In much the same way kids have to learn to deal and handle themselves with bullies, bullies actually learn how to not get caught and continue to inflict pain. They want authority, power, respect. If they don’t have that, they have no problem undermining you in any way they have the ability to. The thing is, none of this is rational or can that they can be reason with.

Respect their authority, or get ready for a miserable time

Years ago I heard the quote:

Sometimes people use respect to mean “treat someone like a person” and sometimes they mean “treat someone like an authority.” Sometimes people who are used to being treated as an authority say “If you don’t respect I won’t respect you”, and they mean “If you don’t treat me like an authority, I won’t treat you like a person.”

That entire quote sums up the experience with a Narcissist. Now imagine that sense of authority is their entire existence. That is all they care about. Imagine how far someone is capable of going. They are not logical, they are not rational. The entire outward appearance IS rational and logical, but the entire internal reasoning is rage/anger with even deeper emotional pain. They get their power/audacity because they are well liked, and well received by people around them. Or at the very least, they think so.

Only their emotions decide whether you are an authority figure to them or someone who is beneath them and should do as they say. Are you listening to them? Are you controllable? Do you make them feel insecure? Do they resent you for some reason? Sometimes the simple fact of appearing happy, positive, and motivated is enough to trigger them to have their entire purpose to be “I want them to physically appear exactly how I feel.” They enjoy controlling through fear.

I may have mentioned before, I still remember someone’s face at work during a particular meeting. Everyone else looked up front at the presentation, but one guy was staring at me with complete hatred. I could feel it, and one of two times in my life where I have seen a look like that. My entire time working with him, even people I respected, kept wondering “Why can’t you two get along?” This is what working/living/interacting with a narcissist is like, where they have it out for you, everyone else is wondering “Why are you two fighting?!?”, and no one is really taking the time to look at what is going on

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